my least favorite thing

I have always hated roaches, a fact to which practically everyone who knows me will attest. lizards? fine. mice? no problem. spiders and snakes - well, ok, I don't like them either, but nothin's as bad as a roach.

so one day I get to work, and almost immediately I notice this really huge roach on the ceiling in the office. I wasn't about to try and get it off of there, cuz I had no doubt that if I did, it was gonna fly on me or somethin', and I was alone at the time, so havin' a heart attack wouldn't have been in my best interests. all day long, when I had to walk past (oops, I mean UNDER) it, I tensed up, waiting for it to decide to land on me.

then my boss called at about 2:00, telling me he was headin' out, but that he was gonna swing by the office first. so I said, "good, there's a roach in here." he said, "kill it!" of course, I said, "no way!!" so, he came back to the office, looked at MR. Roach, and said, "holy ****! I gotta go." I said, "what about the roach?" he said, "I hate roaches - I'm glad it didn't jump (or fly) on me. you're on your own." ok, so I'm paraphrasing, but only a little. but in any case, he didn't kill the roach, either.

so, about 3:00, (now picture me, all day, backing up my chair at 5 (ok, 2.5) minute intervals makin' sure it didn't try to sneak into my office,) boss #2 walks in. I said, "hey, check out that roach!... why don't you kill it?" he said "holy ****! how long has that thing been there, about 20 minutes?" I hung my head and said, "uh, no, a little bit longer than that." I DID NOT SAY that it had been there since I walked in the door this morning, just that uh, it had been there "a little while." "so, you're gonna kill it, right?" so he grabbed a broom (no way would I have done that, it would have flown on me for sure, I know it) and tried to smash it on the ceiling. well, of course, it then landed on the floor, at which point he proceeded to smash it and brought it to... uh, I don't know, and I don't want to know, where. so, for the rest of the afternoon, I was finally able to work without fear.

did I mention that I really, really hate roaches?